Parenting Tips - Telling Your Teens About Divorce

The family is the first social unit that children are exposed to. It's understandable how this becomes a very important part of their life. Anything that threatens this social unit also threatens children's sense of permanency and security. Children who have had to deal with their parents' divorce for the first time find their sense of stability to be challenged to the core. Different children from different age groups deal with divorce through different ways. It's understandable that parents often feel that they are dealing with a lot in their divorce, but it's also important to understand that children go through it too, and they have less tools on hand to deal with this.

Taking the time to have a divorce talk teens will understand is important to help them anticipate what will happen and help them make sense of the things that will come. It's still going to be a rough ride, but it assures you have started on proactively preparing your teen for the changes. Here are a few tips on how to talk to your teen about divorce:

1. Talk to your teen about why people usually get divorced. One of the first things yor teen will probably experience is think that they may be alone in what they are going to experience. Talk to them about how some people make the decision to get a divorce because sometimes, they just can't live together anymore, no matter how hard they try.

2. Talk to your teen about why you and your partner are getting a divorce. You don't have to go into the ugly details but tell them age-appropriate things so that they don't feel so disconnected from what is happening. They may understand why other people get divorced, but it would be good for them to understand why mom and dad got divorced.

3. Give them a simple and understandable overview of what they can expect to happen from this point on. When are you separating? Will you need to move out or will your partner be moving out? What kind of visitation arrangement can they expect? Will you need to move? Will they need to change schools? Will a judge need to talk to them? As much as possible, it's advisable to keep the changes in your children's lives to a minimum in order to help them adjust to the big change that is happening to their family.

4. Assure them that you love them. Your children (especially your teen) may not respond to this verbally, but it matters a lot for them to hear it from you and see it in your actions. Spend more time with them and keep your family routines (like sitting down to dinner together) even if your partner is not with you.

5. Keep your promises. Because of the terrible shakeup that going through a divorce will do to your children, it's important that they can hold on to your word and find something stable that they can trust. Don't make promises that you can't keep in order to not disappoint them and further aggravate their trust issues.

6. Tell your teen that you tried your best to make it work. It would help if your teen understood that you didn't just take the easy way out, and that given all the effort you made to save the marriage, divorcing isn't always a bad idea.

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